Midnight-Thoughts : Twist and Turn

 "Welcome to the twist and turn of life."

of.., being an adult.

-Adulting.

    Hye, korunk. Been months since my last update, kan? Hahahah, macam biasalah. Aku pun tak tahu apa yang busy sangat aku ni. But yeah, here I am. With So many scenario in my head. Which I happened to filters and conclude from what I saw and seen and listen not just by mine but also from others' preview of life. And beyond that, aku boleh singkatkan yang- Life gotta do what it does, and- 

    "Gotta move on, mate. Gotta move on."- Bak kata Captain America.

    Mungkin kedengaran sedikit kejam, tapi hidup ini sangat sarkastik. Entah berapa banyak hal yang kita rasa kebetulan, tetapi selepas itu berubah kepada hal yang paling kita mahukan- which we frequently mentioned in our everyday prayer, but then it was all end. Like it never existed.

    Has left us, broken in pieces.

    Has left us, in tears. And sometime fears.

    Has left us, with nothing but memories. Memory, yang selalu buat kau terluka lebih dalam. Now, our wounds won't need bandage no more. our wound is exist, but can never be seen. 

    An unseen wounds. That took years and phases to just be good, but never perfect- like it used too.

    Ya, hidup memang sarkastik. Kadang-kadang boleh buat kita lelah separuh nyawa, Sometimes it confusing. Sometimes it looks so real. Sometimes everythings blurry. Sometimes we need an answer for an unknown questions. Sometimes, an unsure things is an answered. Dan nanti, kita akan duduk sorang-sorang sambil berfikir. Mungkin juga mentelaah diri. Entahlah. Bagi aku, itu sebahagian daripada dewasa. Mungkin prosesnya akan memeningkan dan banyak menyakitkan.  But yeah,

    "Semuanya pun akan berlalu."

     You know, days will passed and we'll give up on so many things. (Even in a things that we were once addicted to.) 

    You will get hurt by someone, and you will be the one that hurt someone too. Some dreams will be canceled and some dreams will make you in tears and pain too. You will get exhausted by just doing nothing. You will cry for absolutely no reason. You will get confused, with what had happened to you. You will be worries with so many things. Sometimes you will feel lost and stuck. And sometimes, you will feel everything at one time. And there will be so many times, where we intend to giving up on ourselves.

    And it is what it is.

    It will turn you into pieces. It will shattered you. It will make you suffered until there's none in you that can be broken no more. You will lose you. You will be on your knees, begging someone out there held you and help you to heal.

    It is what it is.

    You will realized that time never heal. You will realized that we were just immune to the pain and trauma that life has left-  in us. Yes, it is hurtful and still. But at least, we can act like nothing- now. Though sometimes it will hit you in your head, and made us again questioning our existence. Well,

    It is what it is.

    Iya, memang tak adil. Kadang-kadang, waktu kau duduk sendiri dan cuba fahamkan takdir yang dah jadi, kau masih susah nak faham kenapa ia terlalu menyakitkan. Kau cuba untuk tak persoalkan hal yang Tuhan dah tuliskan, tapi deep down mesti akan terdetik juga, 

    "Apa salah aku?"

    "What sin have I done that I should deserve this kind of pain."

    And maybe, "Kenapa aku?"

    Sebenarnya, bagi aku kan. (This is just my two cents)- tak semua takdir kau perlu faham. Tak semua hal kau perlu letak dekat bahu kau. Sesetengah takdir, memang hanya perlu kau terima dan berdamai dengannya. Lepastu nanti, baru kau akan faham. Sebab ia sering datang meresap dalam perasaan, bukan sekadar kefahaman akal.

    And it took time. It took so much time for you to accept things. Even to heal. Maybe in months, and years. Sometimes, we were late to learn things, but it better than never. kan? And sometimes, to heal means to be broken even more. Kau akan melalui banyak fasa. Dan akan banyak fasa yang membuatkan kau patah. But, it is what is it. And you gotta move on.

    welp, Most of us are matured by pain, indeed.

    Tidak hanya percintaan, mungkin persahabatan, mungkin keluarga, mungkin dari kerisauan terhadap masa depan sendiri. Banyak hal yang kau akan rasa, dan semuanya akan buat kau experienced so many feelings. Banyak hal juga yang akan buat kau sedar tentang jalan yang Tuhan buka, sebagai salah satu cinta-Nya untuk kau. 

    Cuma, macam aku kata. Semuanya perlukan masa. 

    So, enjoy the process!

    Dan aku harap kau akan terus memilih untuk hidup. Mungkin kali ini, kita sembuh dengan Tuhan pula? Klishe. Ya, aku tahu. Sebab, aku sedar je yang kadang-kadang, ego kita terlalu tinggi, sampai berkeputusan untuk sembuh sendiri dengan jalan yang kita rasa baik untuk kita. Lepastu nanti, kita akan patah lagi. 

    But I've learn that involving God with everything we do will make our path easier. Yes, it is still hard and is hurtful, but will always have a way out. 

May we are all healed from the pain we don't wanna talk about.

Tetapi kali ini, biar dengan Tuhan.

Berdua.

And yes, everyone is struggling with something-

Be kind.

Lots of love, 

Laila.